and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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