Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She bit a glass in half.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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