So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
