We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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