If i come over, it means nothing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
