in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
