You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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