yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize