well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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