Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
