I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize