My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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