so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
