We won't sleep together?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i've created a new STD.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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