Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
