I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
