Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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