I smell stomach acid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
