Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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