How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
