babies were throwing up all over the place
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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