I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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