im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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