I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
