Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
