You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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