Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
