Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
