"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
