at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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