I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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