Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
