I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
