I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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