The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
