So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
