I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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