It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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