my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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