I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
