girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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