We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
