Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Quick, to the slutcave!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
