Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
