My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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