I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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