I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
