My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
