u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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