I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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