Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
