Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
