he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
