dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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