Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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