Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
