But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fuck appropriateness.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
