Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
