I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
