Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
