I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
